SARS-CoV-2 is What We Make of It
The pandemic of SARS-CoV-2 is something I hear about on the news all the time, from companies all the time, and from my family all the time. It is an inescapable part of my current life, in such a way that I have few other events to reference to. The only even I can remember that had this effect on my life is the Boston Marathon Bombings. Even so, that was not a pandemic.
I know that this is an event that has changed everything rapidly, but maybe my mind hasn’t gotten the memo yet. I have had big changes in my life - I cannot travel to school, to work, to see my family, to see my friends. My high school graduation will be much different from my peers, in that it will probably be online, if any big celebrations happen at all. I’ve learned of these prohibitions and cancellations through emails. Because of that, it feels distant to me, like I am more of a spectator than someone experiencing it all.
My feeling of being a spectator, and my feelings about the pandemic, are based on my natural tendencies. What I miss the most is what I did the most. I miss being able to walk around Boston with my friends, and I miss going over to my grandmother’s house. It’s sad to think of meeting someone I love, and remembering I can’t. Other than that, I was never someone who was active in my school’s community. I have never been to a sports game, and rarely to after school events. I am less sociable than other students. Cancellations of prom, and not seeing people in class, did not give me such a sour pang in the heart as not being able to see my friends and family. In that sense, the pandemic has not affected me in a way I can detect with my emotions.
I have a natural tendency towards lethargy. I have noticed this occurs in two ways; if something is not in front of me, it may as well not exist; and having a rigid structure is much better than winging it. Everything is now online. Online is different from being physical. It doesn’t feel real to me if it’s online. This is a flaw of mine, put under the spotlight by the pandemic. Throughout April, my school had no schedule. I allowed myself to sleep in late and I had trouble remembering what assignments were due. This was not the case in school, because everything was in a folder and I could pull it out and physically have it. The computer, instead, is like one big folder, that also has candy (games). Every decision I make is a tug-of-war of indulgence and responsibility. On the Internet, the indulgence outnumbers my responsibility, so I have to have a stronger will. This has been the hardest part of transitioning. While it is hard, I am grateful for the experience. I am going to college next year. In college and onward, I will have to create my own schedule. All responsibility will be my own. The pandemic is like a testing ground for my next step in life; and as such, I can safely observe my strengths and weaknesses to be aware of later on.
The pandemic has made me more uncertain about the future. Previously, uncertainty was because of how little I know about the world. I cannot be certain of what will happen if I don’t know what is likely to happen. Now is a different uncertainty. Infrastructure is uncertain. In the forefront of my mind are questions about the health of my family members, and whether jobs and colleges are available. These were not questions I was as worried about before. The pandemic has heightened everyone’s anxiety, which I have taken in as my own feeling.
Despite external turbulence, I keep my normal life steady. I text with my friends so I can continue to have contact with them. Texting my friends is a great relief; because we usually talk about nothing. Sometimes our replies are just funny pictures we found online. I am not the best at texting, but that is not something new. I have never been consistent with texting replies, so I like to call instead. I call and use Zoom with my grandparents. It is great to call them, because I cannot see them anymore. We call to talk about what we have done every week, and how the weather is becoming prettier and prettier. Inevitably, our conversation comes to the pandemic. I notice this every time. I wish I could go one conversation without talking about it.
With not much structure in my life anymore, I have had more time to do other things. One that I am proud of is finally learning how to drive. I cannot attend classes, but I can learn with my father. He is a good teacher. I enjoy learning about the engineering of cars, so driving is a skill I am eager to learn. Other than driving, I have found other ways to make my day repetitive. One technique I enjoy is doing the same thing again, but with different parameters. Some examples are beating a video game boss with only one weapon, or listening to only new songs. It is a way to indulge in my desire for the new and familiar at the same time.
The pandemic is still ongoing. I do not think I will understand the full range of effects it had on me until it is far over. In a way, I am grateful for the current situation, because it has shown me parts of myself, weaknesses and habits, which I wouldn’t have been aware of until college and living independently. The pandemic is what we make of it. I miss my friends and my grandparents, but I know I can still meet them. It is just in different ways. Adaption is what keeps us around, and having a good attitude in the face of uncertainty is part of adaptation.
This is a photo of my sister and I. My sister has been great company during the pandemic. We can talk each other's ears off about absolute nonsense and have fun. It is a nice relief from news about the pandemic.
